By Creig Ewing
In standup comedy, you want to give the impression that you are on stage sharing funny material off the top of your head and that it all just happens naturally.
You don’t want to broadcast that you have been sweating over these jokes for years and that you have a strict time limit.
Comedy is an art form, like a play. You don’t want the audience to see behind the curtain.
Weed out words and phrases that aren’t leading to laughs or winning over the audience.
To work toward a great set, avoid these too-common phrases while on stage.
“How’s everyone doing tonight?”
If you can get the audience to laugh in the first 30 seconds, you will win them over. If you ask the audience how they are doing, you are wasting 15 of those seconds.
Also, 99% of people are not going to answer. You have asked a question to get awkward silence or tepid applause. And if people do answer, now they think they can talk to you throughout the show.
Plus, if you’re on an open mic, you’re probably the 10th comic to ask the audience that. Just stop.
If you feel the need to address the audience af the start, thank them for coming.
“How much time do I have?”
This breaks the illusion that you are just having a fun conversation with the audience that will end when it ends. Now you are not only letting everyone know you have a certain amount of time, but you’re addressing someone in the club instead of the audience.
Unless you’re doing a bit, avoid this. It’s ultimately your responsibility to know how much time you have.
Think about the times you have seen a comic on a late-night show. They are on a strict lime limit. Do they ask how much time they have? No.
“Remember when?”
Some comics love to play trivia host asking the audience if they remember an obscure album from 30 years ago or some historical event.
If you ask if the audience remembers Louis Pasteur, they are going to wonder if they learned about him from Miss Clymer in sixth grade. Or maybe it was high school history. Maybe science class.
Just do the joke. You want people focused on you, not wandering down memory lane.
By the time the audience is back listening to you, you’ve told your pasteurized milk punchline and are on to the next joke.
“That was a new joke”
In sports you want to practice how you play. Even in an open mic, you should perform as you would for a paid show.
If you tried something new that failed, avoid saying, “That was a new joke.” Why?
Saying “that was a new joke” in an open mic gets you into the habit of apologizing for material that doesn’t work.
One of the first things that a comic has to learn is to not get rattled when the audience doesn’t respond well to a bit. Making excuses when a joke doesn’t do well does not help.
If your joke at a booked show bombs and you say, “That was a new joke” bookers will wonder why they are paying you to try out new material.
“I just got the light“
If the club wanted to audience to know that comics are on a time limit and the set is almost over, they’d sound a buzzer instead of flashing a light just for you.
Saying, “I just got the light” ruins that illusion and is confusing to the audience who may not know what that means. Just silently acknowledge that you’ve seen the light and start to wrap up your set.
“Let’s see, what else?”
I know. Sometimes you lose your place. You stall for time by saying “Let’s see. What else?”
When I hear that at an open mic, I am tempted to immediately light the comic.
Be comfortable with a few seconds of silence. It’s OK.
Saying, “Let’s see, what else?” just shouts to everyone that you’re unprepared.
“These aren’t notes, they’re Bible verses”
In general, comics should avoid taking notes on stage, reading notes on stage and especially reading material off your phone.
Comedy is not you dryly reciting material. It’s a connection with the audience. It’s you sharing your unique persona with the crowd. If you’re reading from notes, you shatter all of that.
If you want to bring a set list and casually refer to it to remember your place, you would not be the first.
But reading from your notes and trying to mask it by doing a joke that they aren’t really notes has been done a thousand times.
“These lights are bright”
In some clubs the stage lights are really bright. It’s hard to see the audience. Going on stage and commenting on how bright the lights are is awkard.
The lights aren’t bright for the audience, so how do you expect them to respond?
“That’s my time”
This is a passive aggressive way to end your set. Avoid this, finish your set and thank the audience or welcome the host back up.
Why are you saying “that’s my time” anyway? Are you expecting the audience to demand that you keep going?
Saying “that’s my time” is like an actor saying, “Well, that’s the end of my monologue.”
Just thank the audience or welcome the host back on the stage.
Oh, well. I just got the light. That’s my time.
Good luck!
